Being really honest today

Do you ever feel as though you have to cling to God's promises to get through the days, or the weeks, or the months?

Lately I've been grasping so tightly. Sometimes it feels as though I'm holding my breath underwater struggling to get to the surface but God brings me quick bursts of oxygen when I really need them. There are days when my anxiety overwhelms me, where I would like to hide from life and sleep the days away. Every little thing feels like more than I can handle. I don't want to act this way and I know that I should be able to finish these small tasks but for some reason they push me over the edge. When the anxiety comes flooding in depression and self-hatred seem to follow. I understand why those two have always seemed to go together. Anxiety and depression. I have been depressed before, and I have suffered from anxiety before but this is one of the first times in my life my anxiety is making me feel depressed.

It's during these times I am so thankful for my faith. If I didn't have God during these weeks that may last as long as they do, I don't know where I would be. Every moment I cling to His promises. The Psalms narrate my day. I breathe deeply in His Spirit and our His name Yahweh. Jehovah Jireh, our God the provided who will give me everything I need for this season. And that is truly what it is, a season. There will be joy again. Don't get me wrong on the surface God gives me the strength to smile and function with love and grace, but on the inside there are many moments where I feel I'm slowly being destroyed. There are many stolen breakdowns in locked rooms, alone where I can't be found crying and shaking. Moments where I find myself collapsed and whispering His name to get through the attacks of the evil one. 

Our God is good!

Even when the cloud surrounding you seems dark, the storm seems like it might take everything that is left of you. He is there and he knows exactly how you feel, how I feel.

God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him.
   We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,
      courageous in seastorm and earthquake,
   Before the rush and roar of oceans,
      the tremors that shift mountains.    

Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,
      God-of-Angel-Armies protects us. 

Psalm 46:1-3