Defending the Fatherless

Why do we as a society view so negatively people who are "shy?

Those labels are put upon kids no matter how young. How many times has this happened to you? You say Hi to a friends small toddler, the toddler looks away, or starts crying. "Oh she's just being shy, she's not usually like this." Or they look at the child, "Stop being silly and say Hi to the nice lady..." Barely two or three and they are being told that it is a bad thing to be shy. When adults talk about someone being "shy" listen to the tone in their voice. It is extremely rare that I hear someone talk about being shy as a good asset or something they want to be. No one wants to be quiet or uncomfortable, the awkward person in the circle of friends.

As an extrovert I admit that I spent most of my life not understanding "shy" people. Many times I have been the person negatively talking about those who are shy. I hope those people forgive me for my ignorance. I never knew the treasures that were buried in there. If only I had taken the time, and kept trying even if it wasn't easy. God created me an extrovert but that doesn't mean I should only socialize with others like me. It means he's given me the gift to be able to reach out to those who maybe don't love making conversation, to be the one to talk and ask the questions until that person may choose to trust me and open up.

Then I met this guy, and I happen to think he's pretty great. I took some time and got to know him. I feel honored that he chose to open up to me, that I'm the person he's himself around. One of the biggest learning experiences since I've been married to that man is watching him interact with others. Sometimes I want to beg people to not give up, to keep digging even though it might not be easy all the time. I have watched the payoff with my parents as Shaun is now himself around them, and they have been blessed to reap the benefit of a lot of months of effort.

So since I've been married to Shaun my eyes have really been opened to how the mind of an introvert works. I'm not speaking to all but this is how my husband functions. Unless he is comfortable around you (which would take a very long time so don't expect him to be in the first couple months) being with people is extremely draining. It takes all of an introverts effort and energy to put them self into a conversation. It is not that they do not want to be included or are trying to be rude but conversation doesn't come as naturally as it does to us extroverts. When he gets home from being out he is tired and talked out (something I can hardly comprehend.) My husband finds large crowds very intimidating, especially in a setting like church where we are known by so many people there is a lot of small talk. Sometimes it is more restful for him to stay home, and that is okay. Sometimes I go to events without my husband and we're okay with it that way. I also have grown to deeply love being home with just him and no longer feel the need to be out with friends all the time but have chosen instead to build into the relationships that matter in my life.

So I guess my message to extroverts is to keep trying. That shy person really does want to be your friend even if they don't express it the same way others would. And they are probably an amazing person underneath all that "shy"ness. It will be worth the wait and the effort. And try not to use the word shy in a bad way, they were created that way and that means God intended some people to be quiet and keep to themselves. And God doesn't make mistakes so there was intent in that decision. He knew the world needed people like my husband to balance everything out and to be full of special gifts and qualities. Be aware for your words can hurt people in ways you cannot imagine. And if you are a shy person I pray people will come into your life that will make the effort and also that you won't have shame or guilt for being shy. It is truly how you were created (born this way baby!) and it doesn't make you weird or not fun to be around!