Wednesday I was blessed with some amazing one on one time with an amazing woman. During that time she shared with me an article, one I want to share with you today. It truly spoke directly to my heart during this season of my life. Sometimes, I blame God for how I feel. Why doesn`t He make me feel better. But then my life is not the worst there is out there, not by far. He doesn`t stop suffering in the world. He allows 19 year olds, days away from graduation to be killed in car accidents. Young girls at the peak of their lives are run over by trucks. He allows starvation and sickness. He has taken away parents from 147 million orphans. So today as I wrestle with these thoughts I will fight with God. I will give Him my anger and my hurt. For He knows how I feel, He understands better than anyone else.
You can find the article here.
Read it if you need some encouragement for your season in life.
...Finally, I wrestle with God. My existence is his fault. He said he loved me and I believed him. Now I strike him with my pain as hard as I dare, trying to reconcile his love with the fact of a world still broken. I stretch and strain in the darkness, trying to grasp some sense of his care, something to help me believe he is the father I so need him to be. His hushed holding of me as I struggle is a strangeness I almost cannot bear. I long to escape him, to finish this fight, yet I know that he is the cause, the opponent, the peace I need all in one. Every question, every strike is to and for him, no part of this darkness can be explained apart from his troublesome existence. The only thing I hope to win is the working of his hand. He is my opponent, and he is my prize. My enemy, and the lover I yearn for with all of my soul. Whatever shall I do?
If I follow Jacob’s story, then I will cling to God until I am blessed. I will clutch at his arms until he claims me as his own and gives me a name as his child. But I am afraid to end like Jacob, for the tale of his fight is a strange one, and the ending of it, more than I understand. Of course, God won. Jacob could not out-wrestle the one who made his own muscles, nor out-argue the one who gave him speech. God lamed Jacob in the end and perhaps the laming was mercy. For I think that Jacob might have struggled to death in his anger and fear. But Jacob clung even beyond that breaking, clung until God himself yielded a curious prize... - Sarah Clarkson
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