Dr's Appoint

Today was one of those days that could have been really good, or could have been really bad.

I've chose to not worry about my CT scan results at all. I figure what is the point, if I get the big bad C word then God is still in control.

Except I got really nervous about half an hour before my appointment today. It is really easy to say I would worship Him even if I didn't get the news I wanted to hear. But how was I actually going to react in my Doctor's office if she told me they had found a tumor.

I'm a planner and I like to be in control. So I figured out what I would say, and how I would say it. How I would tell me husband who was waiting right outside the room. I'm glad this was the only time I allowed worry to get the best of me and I didn't allow fear of my results to dictate my life these past few weeks.

So as the Doctor pulls up my file and reads my CT results:

"No abnormalities were found"

So thankful I trusted Him throughout this process and didn't allow fear to control me.

He is good, and He would still be good even if I had been told I had a tumor.

God is in control, and if I had to pick anyone to control it all, He definitely would be the one.

I walked out of the office was a smile on my face. My husband greeted me with worry in his eyes.

"All is well," I told him.

"What does that mean?"

"No abnormalities, no tumor, I'm cancer free."

"Are you sure, like there has to be something not working right up there?"


Kidding, he isn't a jerk, but I'm sure he wouldn't have been joking if they had actually found a brain tumor!

Thanks for the prayers all I really appreciate it.


Small Blessings

You know those little moments throughout the day.

Those small moments that can easily be written off as coincidence, or can be acknowledged as blessings from our creator.

How easy it is so strip those moments of their special blessings by simply saying it was coincidence or that it worked out nicely.

But let me tell you when we choose to acknowledge that someone bigger had intervened in that situation it can truly change your day or your week.

I had lots of those situations this week and I'm so thankful that my eyes were looking for them and immediately thanked God for each and every one of these blessings.

This week I ran out of 4 of the different vitamins I daily take. It is usually a pretty expensive trip to the pharmacy to restock. As I went in Saturday I discovered there was a one day sale (Saturday one) and all vitamins. What are the chances? So what should have cost me almost forty dollars instead cost fifteen. Immediately I began to thank the Father for this small blessing.

They all count, and they are all from Him.

Even the littlest of moments, as insignificant as it may seem is still a gift from Him.

Every good and perfect gift comes from the Father.

So let us Thank Him today.


There is something about old churches.

Sitting on the pews taking in the history that people have worshiped on that same seat for over one hundred years.

Colored light shining through stained windows that picture our Saviour.

I love the history of my faith.

For centuries people have followed the same beliefs I do.

It is beautiful.


Falling Short

I have these days sometimes.

You know those days where you doubt the goodness of humanity.

Maybe you don't have them but I sure do.

There is evil out there, I know that. But I'm one of those people who likes to think the best of people, innocent until proven guilty. I never like to assume someone is a bad until they have proven it to me.

This gets really hard in my job.

See I work in retail, but also the customer service department. This means that all day I'm lied to, stolen from, and manipulated so that people can get the most money from my store. Most days I turn a blind eye. But some days it hits me harder than others. Some days I get plain sick of it.

The being stolen from drives me up the wall every day, but I don't usually take it personally. Most days I find joy when we catch a shoplifter and teach them a lesson. They are usually people you would expect it from. Not to be judgmental but there is an "expectation" that people like that steal.

Today we caught someone in the act, but it wasn't someone who we would ever "expect" to steal. Funny how that seems to hit you harder, tag that word called "expectation" on there and then the other word called "disappointment" hits even harder than usual.

It puts that feeling in my gut. The one that makes me think all the "good" people I know steal and cheat and lie.

But as I sat here and thought about it don't we all steal and cheat and lie?

"All have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God."

As I sat with that feeling of disappointment in my gut I started to think about how God feels every time I lie to him. Or how He feels when I steal someone that He's given to me and claim it mine. I let God down every day when I sin and fall short.

Don't I do this to God every day?

Don't we all do this to God every day?

Father forgive us.

Now I'm left glad there is hope for humanity, because that means there is hope for me.

Thank you Father.


So last night I was reminded what you get when you challenge God.

Our church has a women's retreat in April and I've been feeling like I should go but have been pulling up excuse after excuse why I shouldn't.

1. We don't have the money. (Okay really I can take the money out of savings, but just didn't want to)
2. I don't want to take time off work. (Actually didn't even check if it was my weekend off and I'm pretty sure it is which means I have to take about an hour off of work)
3. No one my age (This is a little more legit and still a fear but I'm mature right so I can chill with older people....let's hope so)
4. None of my friends going (I got my mom and she's pretty much my best friend so that will be fine)

So you see my excuses were lame and I really wasn't asking God if He wanted me to go. Instead I was complaining that going would take me out of my comfort zone. I had already decided that I wouldn't go but...

Last night at Oasis (our woman's ministry) there was a draw from 50$ off the retreat. God was still tugging on my heart about attending so I put my name in and challenged God:

"If you really want me to go, they will draw my name!"

I should really know better.

Guess whose name got picked?

Alisa Harder

I guess that was a hint that I should have listened to the tugging before. So I'll go.

Can you hear that sound?

It's God chuckling. He's chuckling because He knew He would get me there somehow.

I'll tell you all about it because if God wanted me to go this bad it must be good.


American Idol

I have a crush on Casey Abrams on American Idol.

Any man who can play the upright bass really does it for me.

It's okay because my husband thinks he is the greatest too.

In fact we both sit in awe whenever that man opens his mouth and utters a tune.

I predict

Thank you Lord for the gift of music,
how it fills our hearts with joy,
how it communicates,
how it can bridge language barriers,
how it can speak words we can't,
how God can use it to minister to us right where we are.


Movie Warning

I've decided there should be a new type of warning label on movies.

Caution graphic orphan content included:
Scenes which some viewers may find heartbreaking include suffering children, orphanages, and kids who've give up hope of finding a forever family. These scenes will be especially hard for those with a passionate heart for the fatherless or those current or future adoptive parents. Viewer descretion is advised.

I mean it. I need that warning. I suddenly find myself bawling in movies. Today I watched Despicable Me and found myself crying within minutes when the three animated orphans are told no parents will ever want them.

Sheesh I'm pathetic.


Life Lately

I apologize that the blog has been super quiet lately. I've been reading a lot instead of blogging, which is a good change every once in a while.

Last night I spoke to a group of youth, I've just become a youth sponsor and really want to be able to allow God to use me in whatever way in the lives of these kids. I've been learning so much about being thankful (mainly through Ann Voskamp's book "one thousand gifts" which is life changing) so I decided to share about thankfulness.

I actually felt like it went really well. They laughed and didn't look super bored the whole time, they also didn't whisper to their friends, which is my biggest fear when talking to kids. Satan really didn't want me to go (really bad migraine) but I put speaking at a priority and went home early from work to rest up. I'm thankful I did that because I really felt like I needed to be there and to share with these kids. I also got some key time to connect with some of the youth which is really valuable to me. I really pray that they got the message and that God will use His Word to stretch them to be more like him.

God has been working lots of miracles around me lately. And my eyes have been open to see them which is the best part. I'm so thankful that my health has finally taken a turn for the better. And my job is also heading in a direction where I can handle it better. These were two huge trials in my life and I'm thankful that God promises to never leave us even in the hardest times.

I have a CT scan next Thursday if those who read this blog could pray. It is just to confirm that my migraines are caused my anxiety not a tumour. I am at peace, usually I would be freaking out and losing sleep, but God is giving me peace that it is all in His plan and I trust Him in that. I won't find out anything right away but that is okay, somehow I'm not worried about anything.

My husband has exams next week, which means I haven't seen him for the last two. He is buried up to his ears in text books. You could pray for him to have wisdom and peace as well. We planned a one night get away next Saturday after his last exam. I'm pretty excited to have him all to myself without any distractions for a little bit.

I'm going to leave you all with a little bit of my talk on thanksgiving.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

...Mary gives us a perfect example of living a life of gratitude.

Put yourself in Mary’s shoes. You are thirteen years old and you’ve just found out you are pregnant. What would your gut reaction be? What are your parents going to say? Your finance is definitely going to leave you because you have never touched each other. This isn’t 2011, there is no emergency clinic, and there is no adoption option. Add on top of all that, some angel just told you that your son is the Messiah. The long awaited Messiah is growing in your stomach. No pressure or anything. Would you yell at God, scream that He chose you to make this sacrifice. You have to give up everything because He thought you worthy to carry His son. There must be some mistake. But how did Mary respond? 

 “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is his name.” Luke 1:46-49

And then she goes on to list all the things God has done for her and her people. Wow. Now that is a life of gratitude. Amidst all of the worry and crazy thoughts in Mary’s head, which were there because she was human, she chose to thank the Lord and rejoice in him.

Jesus also gave us the ideal example of how we are to respond to hardship in our life. At the last supper, before Jesus was to be betrayed and crucified he shared bread and wine with his followers.

“And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.” Luke 22:19
He gave thanks for that which symbolized his body breaking at the cross and his blood being poured out. How do you give thanks at a time like that? How do you not question God’s wisdom and run wild in the opposite direction?

Jesus knew something that is so important for us, his followers to learn. The hard things in life, the things that cause our bodies to break and our blood to pour out, those are the things we are to be thankful about. Those are the times where we must practice the habit of living a life of gratitude and acknowledging the good of Gods plan not our own. Being truly thankful doesn’t mean just thanking God when it’s easy and when there is a lot to thank Him for, it is thanking Him when He has taken it all away and left us with nothing. This is true gratitude.

I also want to tell you guys how God started to teach me about how to be truly grateful in all things. It happened in Africa, where most of my large God realizations have happened as of late. We got a new baby in the orphanage. Her name was Peace and she was sick. Aids ravaged through her body as she was fighting pneumonia. She was dying. This beautiful nine month old girl was dying. I began to spend all my time with her. She barely ate so I would fight for hours to get her to take back even the littlest bit of formula. I knew that this precious baby had to be bathed in prayer and so as I held her I would pray, I would cry, I would just repeat Jesus’ name and when I found I didn’t know what to pray anymore I would just thank God for things. 

Thanks God for her eyelashes, thanks God for her beautiful fingernails, thanks God that I have the opportunity to love her, thanks God that she kept down an ounce of formula today, thanks God that her poop was a little less yellow and a little greener. I literally thanked God for poop, Africa and dying babies does weird things to you. I began to bathe her in praises to God. I remember when the nurse came up and told us, you know sometimes you just lose some, it is better to let go. I thank you God that we are going to prove this nurse wrong. I thank you God that Peace is going to beat this round of pneumonia, which she did. I thank you God that Peace is going to gain weight, which she did. I thank you God that Peace is going to smile, which she did. I came home. Peace was doing great, my friend Ashley had taken her as her daughter and she was getting fat and healthy and being a normal baby. 

A couple months later I got a message to pray urgently as Peace had taken a turn for the worse. I emailed everyone I knew to get them all praying. I was certain God would heal this precious girl another time.

I remember when I got the news that Peace had died, that precious baby girl had gone to be with Jesus. I remember sitting on my bed crying after I got the news. And I was about to start asking God the whys, you know why does He allow suffering, why does He allow poverty, the list goes on. 

But instead in that moment I couldn't ask God the whys instead I just began to thank him. I thank you God that she impacted my life. I thank you God that she died in a loving family. I thank you God that she is no longer in pain. I thank you God that she had given me a passion for the AIDS crisis. It was a habit. That I would thank him no matter what. Because His will is always perfect.